Today I heard about Aplle's newest and most innovative product to date: the iPad. It is essentially a gigantic iTouch, with probably the same functionality, extra bulk, and a worse name.  With a massive 60 gig hard drive and a 1 GHz (Yes a whole 1 Ghz) processor only costing in the range of $500-$700, you'd expect some redeeming qualities right? Sorry kids, but Steve Jobs & co is running the same game they always do. An idea that sounds remotely cool and looks cool, that has limited functionality. For your hard earned money you have acquired an iTouch with a bigger screen i.e. a Kindle with apps made by Apple. The keyboard is optional too, so telling all of your friends about the $700 dollars you wasted will put you at the mercy of the touch sensitivity and accuracy seen on other touch pad devices. Except the keys will be scaled upwards with the devices size, kind of like Jitterbug phones. You can surf the web too, but you'll be sacrificing money to AT&T to do that too. Once you combine all of these facts together and the fact that netbooks, Kindles, and iTouches all do the same thing for 1/2 to 1/3 third of the price you'll probably wonder why this won't flop. Apple's marketing machine (known as Steve Jobs) could make you buy your own home from them if they kept telling you it was somehow better and more innovative, without telling you how. If this machine had more capability than an iTouch, wasn't made by Apple, had a better name, or cost a shitload less than I'd consider buying it. 

Now for a list of things that Apple could have named the iPad:

• iTouch: Senior's Edition
• iAmTrendy
• iWantSomebodyToLoveMe
• iAmNotGoingToBuyThis
• iExpensiveKindle
• iWannaPayForStandardFunctionality
• iLikeExpensiveHardware
• iWannaPayForTheInternet
• iWastedMoneyOnANetbook/iTouchHybrid
• iNeedAnotherLoan
• iHateFlash
• iTampon
• iDouche
• iOtherFeminineProducts